karen 2010-04-22 10:20:21, Karen's Journal; 209 comments
Changes are on the way! I'm having surgey 5/11, I'm scared but excited. I know you and God will be with me. I'm also excited for the 5th annual Walking for Walker. I can't believe May 5th you will be 5 AND it will be your golden birthday! that rocks~!
I'm also wanting to put more into your site, change it up some, and make it a site where I can add your sisters and brother too. Bless them, they love you so much. They never met you but they know you. And they see how much we love and miss you and they try so hard to imagine you. When I can see you in each of them. :) I love you angel.
karen 2010-03-22 13:16:02, Karen's Journal; 577 comments
We met at Cactus Jack this weekend for the March of Dimes kick off. It's so surreal.......our team has expaned greatly but sitting around our group and just seeing how my family has expanded is a blessing. I feel honored to still provide advise and guidance to the March of Dimes and speak of other families on your behalf. It helps me still know and feel, that I am your mom and always will be.
Lately I think Dad is getting frustrated because we don't talk about you much and when I really miss you, I need to talk about you. Please help daddy. I know he hurts too.
Anyway, the kick off was great. Lexi and Lyssa had a good time playing the games.....and winning prizes. Chase wanted me to hold him the whole time......which was nice. I know before long, he won't want that. AND that is the best part about being a parent I think, the hugs and holding.
I hope you feel my arms around you!
I love you!
karen 2010-02-22 15:11:55, Karen's Journal; 201 comments
OK so I love the new house and of course I love all my children but here lately I'm freaking out! I have no memories of you in this house and I still haven't put pictures up because I'm so busy with a 4,3, and 1 yr old. I can't help but cry. I can't go in your room anymore. I can't look in the living room and see you in your play pen. I can't, I can't, I can't! Walker, my heart misses you so much. Am I being selfish? Can I have you and the other 3 as well? I'm so thankful that is a decision I will never have to make. I'm so thankful that I had you and your sisters and brother.
Come see me,
karen 2010-01-12 15:07:38, Karen's Journal; 152 comments
Geesh, I'm 34! Where did the time go? Just yesterday I was a 29 year old new mom! I feel so.....seasoned now :). Alexis is growing so so tall and is incredibly smart. She is facinated with dinosours still. She makes me giggle just thinking about her. Alyssa is adjusting well and so perfect! She's had a ruff start to life and is having to relearn so much, but she's a warrior, she'll survive:). Chase, where to begin! WOW is all I can say. He's our "first" baby from 4 months to 13 months and I tell you, I think your Dad and I did pretty darn good. He's running everywhere, into everything, knows sign language, giggles and growing so fast. He's my baby, always :). But of course you are my #1.
Help me get through today. Wow 34, and to top it off, I think your dad forgot!
I love you W
karen 2009-12-27 15:03:19, Karen's Journal; 110 comments
Well, Christmas this year was full.......full of kids and laughter in the house. It was great to see Chase, Alexis and Alyssa all so happy and excited. Making cookies, playing in the snow, drinking hot coco and yet, I still wonder how you are. Will I always do that? Am I a bad mother for wondering that? or am I a bad mother if I don't wonder about you? As the new year approaches, more new memories will be made and I'm so scared I won't have room for your memories? Does that sound silly? I love you so much son. It's been almost 5yrs but sometimes it still feels like yesterday. Yet, I look around and everything has changed.
Christmas was great. But I think I'll always wonder about you....and I think that's ok.
I hope your Christmas was beautiful! I'm sure it was grand.
I love you,
Two More Angels
karen 2009-10-12 11:01:33, Karen's Journal; 135 comments
Today God welcomed two more angels. Great Moo Moo and my dear friend Phil both died today. I'm so sad. I miss them both so much. I feel so drained. I feel so....numb. Does it hurt when you die? Please tell me no. Please tell me you weren't hurting. I pray you are at peace. Please welcome Phil and Great Moo Moo in your angel wings baby. Help them adjust and not long for us. Please help Phil's wife. Her heart is so heavy, of course. He was such a good friend and an awesome husband. I will miss him.
Great Moo Moo had so many interesting stories! I enjoyed being with her and am thankful for the 10yrs she included me as part of the family.
I love you all.......
karen 2009-09-14 10:55:57, Karen's Journal; 141 comments
I'm ok today, I think. I don't know baby. It's been hard. I couldn't go in this morning and on my way in I got a call saying my good friend Phil was admitted to Baptist for his brain tumor and that I needed to get there right away. It didn't look good. OH GOD! Honey, it was de ja vu......I couldn't do it. I couldn't breathe. Of all days, of all places. Please not today, not that hospital! NOT The same time I was there 4 yrs ago. Same day, same place, same time. I couldn't drive. I couldn't talk. I pulled over and cried so incredibly hard. I couldn't go there by myself, but I need to see my dear friend. He's helped me through a lot. I NEED to see him. I called Nan Nan and she met me up there and walked in with me. I held it together for the time I was there and then fell apart again. Four years ago today I was called to meet you at that hospital, but I didn't get to bring you home. I'm hurting so much W.
When I left, it was like leaving you all over again. And I didn't know what to do. But I had to get it together. I have your sisters and brother to take care of and they don't understand. They never got to meet you and know how special you are. I try to tell them about you all the time but they are just kids.......they don't understand do they?
Please be with Phil. Help ease his pain.
I love you so much!
karen 2009-08-01 10:50:38, Karen's Journal; 496 comments
WOW, we now have another child......Alyssa...she's 2 1/2 and perfect! She's Chase's biological sister but they don't look alike. He's my baby.....of course you are too:). But he's definately Momma's boy. Lyssa is warming up. She's had it really rough but is slowly coming around. I know we can do good for her. Please help ease her fears pumpkin. Let her know it's all right to be scared but she doesn't have to worry. We want to be her forever Mom and Dad.
NOW, I have to plan your sister's 4th birthday and Chase's 1st birthday. Help me:)
I LOVE YOU W!
karen 2009-07-11 10:46:16, Karen's Journal; 557 comments
Well honey, we moved to a beautiful NEW, BIG house. And I love it. It's taking a little bit to get used to. Not having a crawl space, but actual concrete slab has been taking it's toll on my feet. OUCH. Your brother is growing so fast. I long to see how you look. Please let me know. It was a little sad putting his room together, then Lexi's, but where's Walker's? Where do you belong in this new house? PLEASE, PLEASE come see me. I have you in my heart but I need to see you.
We've been in the house 2 weeks. On July 3rd Mom went to Witchita with Nan Nan and your cousin Alex ( you never met ) to go see NKOTB AGAIN. LOL, don't laugh at me son! I'm thankful I can share this with you:). I finally got to meet my childhood idols and had a blast. It was nice to laugh and smile so much.
Season of Change
karen 2009-05-27 10:42:32, Karen's Journal; 472 comments
WOW, the house sold in 31 days! I knew it was a nice house but I never thought it would sell that fast! We've been very busy packing, looking for a new house, and keeping this one clean for the numerous inspections the new owner has been doing. I'm SO glad we don't move often. I'm very excited but my heart is very heavy as well. This house brought me 8 yrs of memories, both good and bad, but none of which I would change.
Each weekend has been spent looking at dozens of homes. All of us crammed in my Explorer.....me, Daddy, Chase, Lexi, and Mi Mi. LOL it's a good bonding time for us all. We've been testy, hot, argued, kids have cried, tired, but oh what a way to bond. LOL
I know you are with us. Love you pumpkin!
Happy 4th Birthday!
karen 2009-05-05 05:00:00, Karen's Journal; 532 comments
4 Years old! I can't believe it!! Are you 4 now up in Heaven with God and Grandpa or are you 4 months? I don't know and I want to cry! 4 yrs ago was the happiest day of my life. OH GOD! WHY???????????
I love you angel. Please, Please come see me. I need you!
Let the Packing begin.......
karen 2009-04-21 10:38:14, Karen's Journal; 496 comments
We did it! We listed the house today with a realitor. I hope it goes well and fast. The economy is so bad now adays and I'm worried. Your father and I have done good with our finances though and thankfully qualify for a much bigger house....although we aren't going over board.
The house has never looked better....and so CLEAN lol. It's exhausting though with chasing Chase around who is the mad crawler. He just started this month. SO cute. He reminds me of you. You remind me of him. I think this was all planned..........I'm thankful for all my children.
OK wish us luck honey. And more sleep:).
Time for change
karen 2009-03-15 10:34:43, Karen's Journal; 487 comments
Well......it's offical, we need more room. I think Daddy and I are finally ready to find a new house. Well your father has been ready for awhile, it's just taken us almost 2 yrs to update/repair and clean out clutter. I'm excited but scared. I love being able to look around and see "you" and your foot print all over the house. Promise me you'll still be with me? Your brother is currently sharing the computer room with your Dad and Lexi is quickly out growing her/your room. I think we may paint and make the computer room Lexi's and put Chase in your old room........is that ok? Dad will have to use the dining room for awhile. Let the fun begin! I love you wiggle worm.
I see you
karen 2009-01-07 10:05:32, Karen's Journal; 567 comments
Well, it's been over a month since we've had Chase and I can't believe how much he has blossomed. Thank you for allowing us to experience this with him wiggle worm! He can roll over and back and does it all the time. The first time he did that, I stared in awe......we never got to see that with you or your sister. Now he's trying to crawl and talk and so cute. He reminds me of you and I find myself struggling a little to remember you while I'm with him.......and it's hard but I know now you understand. I have your voice, your smell, your laugh, that I will NEVER EVER forget. I love you W.
Last night he did what you used to do......it was so cute. I remember the night I put you in your crib, and you were asleep but restless. I was rubbing your back while you listened to the music. I went then and sat in the rocker silently watching you.......and I fell asleep! I woke up about 10mins later to you, on your belly, but pushing up on your arms, looking over your crib bumper and rail, and gave me the BIGGEST smile and laughed! It was so magical and I couldn't help but laugh with you. You were such a little stinker.
Chase did that last night. Was that you too? Thank you:) I love you:)!!!!
A little brother
karen 2008-12-02 13:06:40, Karen's Journal; 495 comments
Chase has entered our lives.........it is to start out as a foster, and maybe able to adopt. I'm already loving the little guy....he's 3 1/2 months old........younger than you were when........well you know. I think this will be good. He's sooooo different from you which is good, to help me not get him confused with my number 1 angel...I love you Walker. Please continue to give me strength and watch over us......especially Lexi......she's feeling a little overwhelmed right now............I love you!
karen 2008-10-31 13:01:34, Karen's Journal; 119 comments
Ok, I was so afraid your sister would be scared of Halloween again this year but the little stinker suprised us all! We went around to a few houses in the neighborhood, over to grandpa's and then to nan nan's.....wasn't even dark and she was tired. Didn't want to tricky tricky LOL anymore.......until Uncle Charlie pulled out his devil blood mask. She and him sat on the front porch for hours, him wearing the mask, her pumping the blood through "scaring the treaters!" as she kept screaming in excitement. I'm so happy she enjoyed it!
I hope you didn't eat too much candy mister:). You have to watch out for grandpa tho......... he likes to take all the candy bars. I love you W!
3rd Angel Day
karen 2008-09-14 12:56:38, Karen's Journal; 444 comments
I hate this day.....this is the day you left my arms.....why? It still hurts so much....I'm so thankful for your sister and love on her each chance she'll let me......but I miss your chunky cheeks, and pudgy legs, and the little mole on your left wrist........gosh, I can still smell and feel you.........I love you angel.
Your sister is 3!
karen 2008-08-14 00:00:00, Karen's Journal; 543 comments
God help us!!! She's 3!:) and so beautiful. Of course she couldn't decide and had a nemo/mickey mouse party with 2 cakes. I had fun making the cakes. It relaxed me and I couldn't help but wonder what kind of cake you like? what is your favorite character?..........I bet, being there with Grandpa, you like yellow cake with chocolate frosting and I'm sure he's making you R2D2 cakes, like he did for my 16th birthday! LOL........I love and miss you so much wiggle worm!
karen 2008-07-17 17:01:24, Karen's Journal; 586 comments
I'm so stunned at how Time works. It's been 3 long years since I've held you, yet just five minutes ago that I felt your touch. How is that? You know not one moment goes by that I don't think of you. Your sister says she sees you at times. That makes me happy. I know you are happy and glad Dad and I are experiencing the joy of a child again. Lexi sure is special! Such the light of our lives.....and you are our candle. I love you so incredibly much wiggle worm and can't wait to see you again. I'm so proud to be Walker's Mom.
I love you,
Happy 3rd Birthday
karen 2008-05-05 12:36:55, This entry is not filed against any categories; 903 comments
I can't believe you are 3!!! Oh baby I wish you all the happiness in the world. I hope you can feel my big hug so tight around you and the kisses all over your cheeks! I'm so proud to be your mother. Please know that. I miss you so incredibly much that it's hard to breathe at times and I would do anything to have you in my arms, but know that I'm not mad at you. I'm proud of you! You've accomplished so much in your short earthly life, that I can't help but beam with pride.
Happy Birthday baby! I hope it's a wonderful day. Come see mommy.
I love you,
3rd Annual March of Dimes
karen 2008-05-02 12:40:13, This entry is not filed against any categories; 220 comments
We had 25 walkers sign up!!! Yeah!!!!! John Vance Auto Group was our sponser and provided our team shirts. They turned out great! Lexi even was able to come this year to support her big brother and bless her heart......we did the entire walk (5.9 miles). I know you are proud of us! Daddy has lost over 60lbs and I've lost 36lbs, so it was definately a lot easier. Of course your sister keeps us quite busy as well!
Oh what a great day and we had so much fun. I of course, wanted to cry because it was so moving all the people coming out to remember you and help celebrate you!
I love you!
karen 2008-01-15 20:39:07, Karen's Journal; 556 comments
Your sister has a blanky, care bear and pillow she clings too. They have to go everywhere. The other night, I peeked in on her before going to bed, like I always do. She was buck naked! lol:). I thought, ok, that's fine. She's sleeping so good. As I went to slip on panties, she woke and I realized the bed and blanky were soaked. Daddy came in to take her potty while I cleaned up and stashed the blanket for a much needed wash.
For 2 hours your sister faught me! lol, wanting that blanky and it broke my heart but it was soaked. She finally fell asleep out of exhaustion.
Now we have it somewhat under control......she knows blanky is for sleeping only, so carebear gets to go everywhere.
As I was watching her last night, hugging carebear, sound asleep on a clean pillow and under a warm blanket, I thought of froggie.
You loved your froggie. I held on to it for dear life when you flew away. It gave me strength. When we had your service, Daddy and I decided you needed Froggie more than we did. I can understand that now........with your sister needing the comfort of her blanky.
Oh angel. I think of you each minute. I may not post all my entries but you and I have a lot of good conversations! I miss you so incredibly much! Please give froggy a hug for me and tell him thank you, thank you for being your strength for me.
I love you wiggle worm.
She talks to you too...........
karen 2007-09-26 17:22:15, Karen's Journal; 153 comments
Last night, Lexi went into the computer room and of course I followed, as that is a dangerous, uncharted territory for her! She climbed into my chair and wanted to play with my computer. So I picked her up and put her on my lap and we sat down to play on the computer. She saw your picture as the wall paper on my pc and asked, who's that? in her sweet voice. I said that is Walker, your brother honey. And she said Alker? She tried so hard to say Walker:). I then pulled up one video of you and she immediately started giggling and talking to you, touching your face on the screen, laughing as you laughed, talking as you spoke. I started crying. I had goose bumps. She was talking to you, her brother, and having so much fun. She's so innocent and doesn't understand. BUT, I think you were there, you were talking to her and playing back. She understood your coo's and laughs. Both of my children, playing together. It tore deep into my heart. Something so simple to everyday, normal families, but something I've so longed for, for 2 years, to see my children play together! I miss you and love you so much and would do anything to have you back. But I also love Lexi so incredibily much and can't imagine life without her either. I want you both, forever in my arms, safe.
I love you. You are a wonderful Big Brother!
karen 2007-09-14 17:19:31, Karen's Journal; 191 comments
I remember like it was just yesterday. It feels like just yesterday I held you, but yet so long ago that I haven't held you. Today, 2 years ago was the worst day of my life. For you, it was a new day, a birthday, an angel day with our lord. I'm so happy you are in the promised land but still so angry I'm not there. Still so angry that I don't have you in my arms! It's not fair. I miss you so much wiggle worm! Please, PLEASE, feel my arms around you and the many kisses on your cheek.
Happy 2nd Angel Day W.
karen 2007-08-29 11:06:49, Karen's Journal; 96 comments
Lately, I've been really talking about you to everyone. I can't stop. I know people feel bad for me because I'm "the lady that lost her baby", and listen out of respect, but I can't help it.
I want to share your smile with the world. Is that so wrong?
Maybe it's because your 2nd angel day is fast approaching. I hate how I have just dates for you now. I want so much more for you, but I realize now, I think, finally, that you are where I long to be. What is better than Heaven? NOTHING!
I love you so much wiggle worm!
karen 2007-08-17 01:20:00, Karen's Journal; 552 comments
I think I'm still recovering from your sister's birthday party, lol! The rain had finally stopped and now it's just hot. It was 101 on her birthday, 8/14. Of course!
We had about 30 people there. I think everyone had a good time!
Your father rented a blow up castle jumping thingy and the kids had a great time with that. I'm sure you would have liked it too!
With all the preparing, cleaning, running around and the heat, I'm so tired. I don't want to see another cup cake for a LONG time!
karen 2007-07-07 10:55:40, Karen's Journal; 103 comments
Well we just spent a week in Colorado. After your father and I went there for your 1st angel day last September, we couldn't wait to share the beauty with family. We had a great time. It was so beautiful, crisp and fresh. It's the closest to Heaven, I feel.
I feel closer to you there. It was so peaceful. I know you are at peace. I'm still trying.
Your sister loved it too! The cabin had a swing set and of course she just wanted to do nothing but swing from sun up to sun down! I think we'll get her one for her birthday.
I miss you. I hope you can feel my arms around you!
Hot and Rainy
karen 2007-06-29 10:44:27, Karen's Journal; 99 comments
This whole month has been muggy and we've had tons of rain. Devastating rain. It seems each day is cloudy and dreary and wet. It's hard to stay positive. It's hard not to miss you.
The rain always reminds me of you. Do you remember our talks? Everywhere we went, you always looked as if you were soaking everything in. I tried to explain everything I could to you......grass, trees, the sky....and rain. Remember rain is water falling from the sky to clean the earth, just like the water in your bath to clean you from an active day of playing. I was saying that to you are last morning together. It was raining. It never bothered you before but that morning was different. It started raining on the way to nanny's and you started crying and coughing a little, a different kind of cough. You had never done that before. I thought to myself, maybe I should turn around and call in from work, stay home with my wiggle worm, maybe you were getting a cold? But I convinced myself I was being over protected and we went on to nanny's. Even as I carried you in, in your car seat, you still wimpered a little. I thought it was because a few rain drops met your skin? But now I wonder if you were just trying to tell me not to go. Why did't I listen? Oh angel, each moment with you is on continuous repeat in my mind. I only wish, I could press stop and reach out and grab you, hug you and tell you how much I love you and miss you.
It's supposed to rain again today. The rain is special. It's when I feel you the most.
I love you,
Happy 2nd Birthday!
karen 2007-05-05 10:38:53, Karen's Journal; 440 comments
Happy Birthday baby! I can't believe you are 2!!! I wonder how many teeth you have and how curly your hair is? Is it blond or still leaning towards red? How tall are you? Are your little chubby legs now longer and leaner from all the running around and playing? What is your favorite toy? Do you have a favorite story or food? Please let me know...........I need to know.
We raised money for the March of Dimes again this year for your birthday! It was such a wonderful way to celebrate you! We had about 17 walkers for the walk and exceeded our goal again this year, raising over $3,100.00!!! I have your certificate to place in your baby book and pictures of the day.
Your sister was sick and not able to attend the walk. BUT, she helped us release all your birthday balloons into the sky, with special messages on them, meant only for you. Did you like them? I hope so!
I miss you more the ever and wish so much for just a peek at you now. IF I can't have you, let me see you!
Have a wonderful birthday and eat lots of ice cream. If you are anything like your grandpa, I know you love ice cream!
I love you!
karen 2007-03-30 16:53:29, Karen's Journal; 138 comments
Alexis Marie Griffith is legally our daughter and your baby sister! Of course we got a little worried because she threw the biggest fit ever just before court. We were so worried the judge would see her tear streaked face and decide not to let us have her. Come to find out, she just doesn't like dresses:). It was a good day! I immediately felt relieved!
We had a little party for her and I know we'll never forget it because we had so much rain, the garage flooded. What a day!:). I know it made you smile!
I took your sister to Elmo tonight. She LOVED it. Despite the rain, and roads being closed, we got there! AND, I'm glad. She had such a wonderful time and was so good. Wish you were with us.
I love you,